The things people say

For the most part, people with whom we have shared our plan to adopt have been very supportive and happy for us. However! There have been several comments that, while aren't mean or malicious, stick with me and make me wonder. For example, I've gotten some version of this general idea twice (from older ladies in a position of authority): "Well, what are you going to do about your job?"

To me, this is part of a much larger picture - largely dependant upon the particulars of our specific children. In general, however, are they asking if I'm still going to work? Well, yeah. I'm not going to intentionally abandon the children I'm teaching this year and just up and leave. I may take a short leave of absence when the children first arrive home and we are just getting settled as a family. Or, maybe the children will be school-age and they will need to go back to school quicker than if the children are preschool or under. Or, perhaps if the children are preschool eligible they will come to work with me and go to my school. (See what I mean? There really is no easy answer to this question. But really, it is something I have thought a lot about)

But really...the gist of what we are doing is adding children to our family. Granted it's not the traditional way but, at this time, it is our way. Perhaps I'm finding this particularly bothersome because I'm finding it really hard to believe that pregnant ladies would be asked this question in the same tone of voice. Or, maybe they are. Regardless, I'm not fond of it!

Another jewel is the sentiment: "Oh, I just love it when I hear of people adopting!" At first, this comment makes me feel all warm and snugly inside. Yes! I'm a wonderful, righteous person! But then I start to come back down to earth a cringe a wee bit because I wonder if the people who say this type of comment realize that the motivation behind our adoption is to expand our family. Because really? Isn't the message behind this comment basically that people are adopting for good and noble causes? That they are "rescuing" a child from an otherwise shitty life? For some this is the reasoning behind their adoption decision. For us, it is not.

Like I said, while there are these few things that bother me they are far outweighed by the kind, thoughtful things people say. Such as the mom of one of my former students who got (happily) teary-eyed when we told us of our news. Or the friends who know of the struggle we have had and envelop us with kind thoughts and encouragement. Or K's brother who normally is very blunt and says what's on his mind asking questions that show he has been thinking about our adoption and wants to know more. Or the co-worker who got excited and asked about what is involved with the whole process. These comments, my friends, are what I will choose to remember.