Meeting with Dr. Delightful

This past week K and I went to see Dr. Delightful on our way home from Christmas with my momma and daddy. This was a consultation mainly to discuss the treatment plan I am on and to see if things needed to be changed. Now let me preface this by saying the following: last cycle I came off a high because I knew that my estrodial had gone up. This number influenced my thinking and made me confident that this current cycle would bring even better news.



Dr. Delightful began by stating that he was surprised my estrodial hadn't gone up sooner (before last cycle) and he is now thinking about why this is. Perhaps it is due to my endometriosis...maybe it has to do with the quality of my egg production. Perhaps I have food allergies that cause it to be low. Or, maybe we're on the right treatment plan and we just have to give things time. All the possibilities!



Needless to say, I wanted to hear that he was certain I am on the right treatment plan and that soon, maybe even this cycle, I'd get preggers. It's just a case of a whole lot of unknowns. The most reassuring news was that my estrogen is on the tail end of normal and that it is possible to get preggers on that. However, this will not be the case if one of the above factors is playing into my sub-par natural estrodial levels.



We're kinda on a 'wait-and-see' holding pattern at the moment. Dr. Delightful said that my last cycle was the first 'normal' cycle I've had and that he suspects that this current cycle will be a normal cycle as well. (Normal classifies as typical progesterone and estrodial levels, correctly timed intercourse, awesome cervical mucus, no strange bleeding...) Some of the things he recommended was to start taking a DHA supplement and to get tested for food allergies.



And the kicker? To start taking a super low dose of a drug that's taken by druggies and alcoholics when they're getting treated. Awesome. You know, I've been all for the treatments/diagnosing procedures so far. Nasty herbs? Sure, why not. Cutting open my body? I'm all for it. Sticking myself with a needle? Bring it. Drugs that screw with my hormones and cause delightful side effects? Sounds exciting! I'm really not sure about this potential new drug though. It just seems extreme. I've just gotta keep praying that the current treatment is right and what I need in order to get pregnant.



So, for now we'll wait and see what my hormone profile comes back with in a few days. I'll start taking the DHA and do the testing for food allergies. And the most important part? Pray. Pray that I don't have to take any scary drugs. Pray that I will get pregnant. Pray that K and I are meant to have a child. Pray that I'm meant to get pregnant as oppose to adoption. The bottom line? Pray.

The Tale of Two Trees

If you know me in person you might be aware of the fact that I love the Christmas season and all the traditions that come with it. One of these said traditions is to set up our Christmas tree on the weekend right after Thanksgiving. Now, this may not be a problem for most people...however, we wanted to get a 'balled' tree (i.e. one with roots so that we can plant it later). We went to the local tree farm and selected a sweet tree and brought it home with us on the Sunday after Thanksgiving.

We wrested the thing into the house (that's not an easy task my friends...that sucker was heavy!) and decorated it that same day. All was fine and dandy. Fast forward to a week later: needles began falling off. We didn't think very much of it as we suspected the heating vent by the tree was causing the bottom to get dry. Soon, however, more needles were falling off. And not just when we watered the thing! You could be sitting on the couch minding your own business and plink, plink, plink could be heard. Still we thought it could wait it out till Christmas.

Ummm...wrong! Soon we noticed that it wasn't just the bottom needles getting dried out. And? The kicker? There was mold starting to grow on the ball. Alright tree, it's time for you to move back outside. However, we had a problem seeing that it wasn't even Christmas yet! My school came to the rescue because pine trees were used in our Night Tree celebration and, lo and behold, there were extras for the taking. So K and I muscled our balled tree out the door and quickly replaced it was a cut tree. And that is how we had two trees in the same location during one Christmas season!

Thoughts

Have you ever wanted something so long and so bad that you loose sight of what it would be like if it actually happened? K and I had this discussion while driving home last night. I never imagined that the process of creating a baby would take longer than carrying a baby to term. I really, really thought it would be easier than this. Never had I thought that after much testing, a surgery, multiple Dr. visits (and doctors, mind you), hormones up the wazoo, and countless cycles we would still be trying to reach our goal of expanding who we are from a "couple" to a "family."

In fact, I'm to the point where I can't really fathom what life would be like when we do actually have a child. I can picture the joyous elation I will feel when I tell K and our families when we are pregnant...but past that? Having a life grow inside my belly? Giving birth? It just seems so far away.

Looking back, I can see that we have come a long way since we first started trying. I have learned so much about my body, my relationship with K, and my deepening relationship with God. I am stronger in knowing that this gift will truly be a gift from above and that we will be entrusted to raise our children with a sound knowledge and relationship with God. I have learned that perhaps patience is not really one of my strong suits. I have learned to cherish the small things in life: coffee in a Holiday cup (this deserves a whole post in and of itself), a hug from one of my students, K starting dinner for us. I have learned to appreciate what we have and am trying every day not to be envious of what others have.

Perhaps this is what I'm supposed to be learning, perhaps not. I can't say why God has chosen this path for me; however, I can keep my belief that I am where I am meant to be.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord...be strong, wait for the Lord and let your heart take courage." Psalm 27: 13-14

The Bird Watching Hat

I've recently developed an affinity for hats. Let me clarify...not just any hats, but hats one wears in cooler weather. On Black Friday I acquired one such hat. It's delightful! Made from soft, red yarn and with a little brim. I first tried it on by myself and wasn't quite sure it was 'me.' Then I showed my momma and aunt and they thought it looked cute. Sold! I purchased the sweet little hat and proudly showed it off to K. He, however, was not at all impressed. He didn't think it looked quite right.

I decided that I liked the hat and started to wear it places. One day, I wore it to school. As we were bundling up the kids to go outside, I nonchalantly put on my hat, and started zipping up kids' coats. One little girl looks up at me was a strange look on her face and starts giggling. "Mrs. W," she asks me, "why are you wearing a bird watching hat?"

A bird watching hat?! Is there really such a thing? Because if there is this girl was SO not aware that she had purchased one. I will say that my little fashionista's comment made me reconsider my hat...perhaps it really isn't all that cute? After all, who is more honest than a five year old? So I ask you, my Internet friends, yay or nay on the so-called bird watching hat?

Hormone Hope

So, it's been a while since I last posted. Like 2 months. I guess inspiration just hasn't hit me recently. However, I started this blog as a way to have a reminder of the journey we've been on TTC a baby...so I feel as if I should keep up with the updates.

Dr. Delightful has our problem narrowed down to less than stellar hormone levels; specifically progesterone and estrodial. I've gradually been adding new drugs to my regular diet of HCG in the name of Clomid and awesome estrogen patches. Now, mind you, my momma has been wearing an estrogen patch for the past number of years to combat menopause symptoms. So you can imagine how delighted I was to find out that not only do I need these but also that my mom is using the exact same drug (down to the brand name, mind you) but in a lower dosage. Awesome.

However! Taking all these drugs does cause some side effects. Not as many as I would expect, thankfully, but side effects nonetheless. The most prevalent is the hot flashes caused by the Clomid. Now, I am a cold natured person by default and can normally be found bundled up in my fuzzy pink bathrobe, slippers, and blanket when I'm at home. (I've prefaced this to give impact ;) ) I have actually found myself rolling down the window in my car in 14 degree weather to alleviate the effect of these bad boys! Thankfully they only last about 5-7 minutes...but boy, oh, boy are they wicked!

Another potential side-effect is some, ahem, increased emotions. I say potential since I am a very emotional person by nature...I'm not sure if this can fully be attributed to the wacky hormone levels. I just tend to get worked up very easily and can't really see a light at the end that will make me better...and then all of a sudden I'm back to normal. Awesome.

Last cycle I told myself that the primary goal was to increase both hormone levels, but primarily the estrodial since that was the one with the least amount of change. This was the first time I didn't have the primary goal to be to achieve pregnancy because, let's face it...until these hormones are normal it just isn't going to happen. You can imagine the delight and excitement I felt when I got a call from Cathleen (Dr. Delightful's nurse) that not only was my progesterone 'good' but that my estrodial had finally changed from a 4 to 11.9. We shall keep praying that my levels stay around the normal range and that a pregnancy is in our near future.